Whenever Newsletter 3-7

This is a cordial reminder -- who am I kidding, it's a shameless commercial -- that we offer a 50% commission to anyone who places "Snapshots" or "So It Goes" in a paying publication. A few people who have taken me up on this offer now own small islands in the South Pacific.

On a wholly unbridgable note, whenever I finish a column, I ask someone to read it back to me. I want to know how it comes across in real life and whether it contains errors in cadence. As many of us learn through bizarre reactions to e-mails, tone is hard to establish in prose.

My wife Yahaira usually reads for me, but I try to mix it up. Recently, I asked Steve from softball to read, and have I told you how much I appreciate Yahaira? It's not that Steve is stupid. He makes ten times my salary and goes on vacation every other month. It's just that Steve falters when he reads, and that is something of a problem if you're a writer listening for tempo.

Before you get up in arms and contact The National Stuttering Association (NNNNNSA), I will have you know that Steve consented to this newsletter and even called you an idiot for reading it. (He's a great ballplayer, but his social skills need some polish.)

So Steve started to rr-rr-read the column one excruciating syllable at a time, and I hung in there despite the vertigo. Unfortunately, his recital had a wearing effect on my opinion of the work. By column's end, I wondered if I shouldn't choose a different occupation altogether.

Yet Steve kept on: "Some people des-de-describe the doctor..."

"No, Steve. It's not doctor. It's DR, an acronym for Dominican Republic."

"Whatever, dude."

I wanted to offer assistance but knew that Steve would be holding a bat the next time we met. So I listened till the end despite the dizziness and career doubts. Then I quietly erased him from my roster of readers.

I considered having Yahaira read the column full-time, variety be damned, but if I know her she will want credit as my coauthor, her signature in the illustration, and ultimately relocation of the website to jasonandyahairalove.com.

Yes, I have no choice but to keep trying the oth-oth-others.