Whenever Newsletter 3-5

If you have read "So It Goes" long enough -- and please seek help if you have -- you know that I've got Ebay issues. Recently I won a book for $2, scaring off the other bidders with my fierce reputation. I received the congratulatory blah blah blah requesting that I contact the seller, and so the story begins.

I'm not sure how much I can divulge before someone yells libel, so let's just say that her name begins with Kathy Strick****. If you know a woman with the warmth of a Brillo pad and whose name matches that description, it's probably her. Kathy told me that the book was two dollars but that shipping and handling were four.

"Handling?" I wrote. "You mean, like, placing the book in an envelope?"

Handling fees have always triggered my homicide reflex. It's like ordering a hamburger at McDonald's and having the clerk say, "Oh -- you want that in a bag."

I politely informed Kathy that she could handle herself silly but not on my dollar. I would, however, pay for shipping. Being in the rejection-by-mail business, I happen to own a flashy scale and know that it costs $2 to ship a book from Kathy's home in hell to my front door. The total would thus be $4.

Kathy's response: "Sorry. Can't pay your shipping. $6 or nothing. Thanks."

Now, tone is difficult to establish via e-mail, but she may have nailed snide.

I specified that Book Rate was two bucks and that principle forbade me to pay more.

Kathy: "I don't know what this Book Rate business is all about. I told you shipping is $4. If you can't pay postage, I'll keep it and sell it to someone else."

The be-atch was out of the bag.

Narrowly avoiding my true feelings, I told Kathy to keep the book and swindle elsewhere. Then I took a shower.

Two days later, Ebay notified me that Kathy had filed a Non-Paying Bidder Notice. She wanted to recover the 15 cents that she had lost in our transaction!

After several breathing exercises, I disputed the non-paying bidder charge one preposterous screen at at time. I reminded Kathy that I know where she lives and that I have frequent flyer miles. Ebay finally agreed to remove the charge under the condition that Kathy and I never speak again.

And although everything worked out, I kinda wish that I had paid the two extra bucks and got the book. I've never read Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.