Funny Sayings 07-94

The early worm gets devoured by the early bird.

It's easy to be pious when no one wants to have sex with you.

If you could hide from God, Las Vegas would probably be the place.

If you ever find yourself in the presence of the Pope, be sure to sneeze.

A lesbian is any woman who doesn't like me.

The microwave oven is a consolation prize in our struggle to understand physics.

Republicanism: you're either Right or your wrong.

I'd lift weights, but they're so damn heavy.

If you can't spell vasectomy, you may need one.

A hundred dollars used to be a lot of money. Now it's just five twenties.

None of us should know who Monica Lewinsky is.

They say that baseball is the national pastime, but I think it's watching celebrities have breakdowns.

We need people with multiple personalities to offset all the people who don't have any.

Ebonics was our big chance to end spelling errors, and we just threw it away.